Go back to work already!

Just because I say "I need to do X" does not mean I will jump right up and go do it right then and there! UGH

I want to preface the rest of this by saying I love my husband. I honest and truly, no foolin love him. I also get very cranky when certain aspects of my life are mixed up. I *need* a routine. I have certain ways that I do certain things and when it doesn't happen the way it normally does for an extended period of time (about 6 days is the usual breaking point LOL) I get cranky. REALLY cranky!

DH has been on leave for a little over a week. Goblin's grandmother was also here for a week (we took her to the airport last night). My routine is in shambles. I haven't been able to do laundry in almost two weeks. I am down to my last pair of underwear which are from my skinnier days. Do you have any idea how grumpy one gets when they have to wear underwear that is too tight?

This morning DH asks me "what are we doing today?" My answer? "Laundry" which for some reason makes his reply really snarky. I don't remember what exactly he said but it had something to do with going to Patriot's Point, which I am all for doing before he goes back to work on Monday, but not only am I out of clean underwear, but I am out of clean pants too. I am wearing a pair of shorts right now and its a little chilly outside IMO to be wandering around in shorts.

After I started laundry I remembered I still need to go to Costco for Goblin's party supplies and (to my*self*) commented that I forgot I still needed to do that. DH's answer? Let's kennel the dog and head out! Sorry, no clean, well fitting undies so I can't go right this second. So he pouts...

A few minutes ago I commented I wished Moe's was closer because I wanted a burrito as big as your head. (seriously, those things are huge!) His answer? Look to see if there was one near Costco. There is one on the same road, but that road is loooooong so I innocently say "Where on Sam Rittenberg is it?" He rattles off the address... like THAT is supposed to help! I am the type of person that needs landmarks to get places. Not street names, not directions like Turn north on Main street then east on 1st" I don't remember where on Sam Rittenberg it is because I don't travel that road much. There are like 2 of them that I know where they are because they are near places I go often.

*sigh* So now he is outside with the dog, sulking and probably smoking because one again the big meanie wife didn't do what he wanted when he wanted to do it. Not to mention the fact that I have told him like 3 times in the last hour that she needed her afternoon walk.

Is it Monday yet?

Dreaming

I'm dreaming again... about him... Why always him? Why can't I completely close that part of myself? The dreams are never about the reality of things, always the "what if" and "what could have been if only" parts. I swear I am going to drive myself insane. I am truly, deeply in love with my husband. So why the dreams of him? Maybe its the important milestone coming up or the fact that someone is flying in to help celebrate said milestone. I don't know. Its all just so confusing. In my waking life I rarely, if ever, think about him. Until I dream. Then that next day I can't help but think of him and only him. I try so hard to hate him, but I just can't.

Last night was really the weirdest of them. I can't remember most of it but I do remember running into him, not really recognizing him and then it was like someone flipped a switch and I said "HEY!" and he told the guys he was with "She actually acknowledge my existence, I will catch up with you guys in a little bit." About this time I feel something moving inside me and I look down and am pregnant. He comes over to hug me, runs into my belly and says "who is this" to which of course my reply is "That would be *name*" and his face broke out into a huge smile like it was the greatest news he'd heard all day. Then we start talking and I don't remember the conversation as clearly as the rest because Sammy woke me up trying to get under the blankets.

So that brings me to where I am now. What does it mean? NOTHING like that ever even remotely came close to happening. In fact, when I was at that stage he barely acknowledged my existence, let alone be happy to see me. Am I trying to rewrite a painful part of my past? Am I trying to convince myself that he really isn't the wretched horrible human being I have come to ignore? I don't hate him, I can't bring myself to do that, but I also don't really feel anything towards him. If anything I guess it would be sort of an apathy towards him. There are so many times I wish he would pick up the phone and call (NOT me) or send an letter or even an email. Hell, at this point I would settle for just a "he says hi to *name*" through a third person. Is that so much to ask.

I think mostly right now I would love to sit down with him and pick his brain. Ask all the questions that always come up when I dream about him. Get a straight answer for once. Just once to be able to cut through all the bullshit and not have to worry about his stupid wife (whom I've never liked, even before they were married) or what she thinks. I know she hated if/when I was ever talked about.

Why can't I just let go completely? I hate that I second guess myself because of him. As a mother and as a person. Ugh... I just hate all the questions that come up! Its been ages since this has happened and I hate the way it feels. I can't even get to the bottom of anything because of life circumstances being what they are.

364 days out of the year I know I am good person. I know I am a good mother. I know I am a good wife. So why is it that this one day a year I have so much doubt? I hate that he can still do this to me without even knowing anything about it!

My babies are growing up...

and its bittersweet. :( Shorty is performing tonight with his Chorus class. They are singing the National Anthem at a Carolina Stingrays game. They had to wear black slacks, black shoes and a white long sleeve collared shirt. They were given blue bow ties and cummerbunds by the teacher to wear as well. I thought they were going to get those at the coliseum where they are performing but she sent them home with the kids yesterday so I got to see him all dressed up. Let me tell you, I started to get teary-eyed because I remember the little boy in footie pajamas standing on the kitchen counter, rummaging through the cupboard all too clearly! Here is a picture of him on his way out... My only regret is that we didn't get his hair cut this morning!

and for good measure, one of him with his Dad. If only his eyes had been open it would have been great to send to the Grandmas! Oh well... they might just get them anyway! LOL

WHEN did my baby get so tall? I realized tonight as I was giving him a kiss goodbye that the is almost as tall as I am now. *sigh* They just grow so fast!

On another note, I finished my amigurumi elephant this afternoon. DH quickly claimed it as his own and he tells me he is going to take it to work on Monday to put on his desk. *giggle* Its a little lopsided but here he is:

Off to work on Goblin's ghost! He wants one in black with red eyes to set on top of his computer monitor. He is certainly a weird one! I have made a few more ghosts now and think I have figured him out. The first one was just a little... well... off I guess is the word I'm looking for. I made one for Shorty using a variegated green that I had leftover from something else. It turned out really cute and he seems to like it.

Happy Halloween!

I tried my hand at amigurumi today! I made this cute little guy:

I found the pattern over at http://www.flesheatingbunny.com/?page_id=40 and I think I will make a couple more. :) I also plan to make the ghost that is on the same blog. They are so easy! And fast too! I can see how these could get really addictive!

Here's the little ghostie:

He turned out a little caddywhompous but he's still cute. :) The pattern for him can also be found at http://www.flesheatingbunny.com/?page_id=40

Here they are together:

Boober has already claimed them and is going to give them to her teacher tomorrow. Guess I will just have to make a couple more for me to take to NMCRS! LOL

YAY! Babies!

I have been impatiently waiting all day for baby news. :) Both my sister's girlfriend and one of my bestest friends are in labor right now! They are even next door to each other at the hospital!

YIPEE! I get both a niece and a nephew all in the same day! If only I were home to be there for them... Not that I could do much of anything, but still...

Is it almost over?

I am exhausted! It started Friday with the Khaki ball. It was GREAT! I laughed so hard most of the night because the MC was just hilarious! He started out at the very beginning talking like Dr Evil (I swear he sounded *just* like him too! ) and I should have known then it was going to be an interesting night. At one point I turned to DH and said "Is he always like that or just when he has been drinking?" DH just laughs and says, "he's pretty much always like that and I think he might still be sober anyway." Then DH tells the whole table what I just asked and the guy on my other side leans over and says "I once heard him give an entire 3 hour lecture in perfect Scottish brogue"

Anyway,,, Saturday morning I got up to try to finish a baby layette for a baby shower that afternoon. Did I get it done? I literally finished the sweater as we were pulling up to the house! I felt bad, but I had embroidered a couple pre-fab bibs that morning and snagged one of the dresses I was originally gonna send to my sister for my neice so it wasn't a total gift. The shower started at 3, we got there at 3:30 and didn't get home till after 9 that night! Good news is, she *loved* the sweater and even showed her DH 3 times to make sure he saw it Evidentally the third time was the next morning because she wanted him to see it when he was sober.

Sunday morning we got up and took Boober to IHOP for her birthday breakfast (I can't believe she is 10 already! ). Shorty had spent the previous night at a friend's house and chose to stay home because there were a bunch of Apache helicopters that landed here last week sometime and he and his friend wanted to go see them. We drive by them on our way and yeah, they were cool, but I kinda wish he'd come with us for breakfast. OH well, his choice, right? Boober didn't seem to upset about it either so its all good. We got home and DH left to go watch football at his friend's house and I finished the baby booties and bonnet. I sent them with DH to work on Monday so I feel better about that.

Monday morning I had my Embroidery Club. It was so much fun! It was my first time so wasn't sure what to expect but this time we ended up using a new product to make patches out of the embroidery designs.

Tuesday I worked at NMCRS to cover a shift for someone who had to go home because someone in her family had passed away. Things were soooo busy! I had enough time to sit and take a breath before I had to move headlong into another case! I literally did not leave the office till 5 and we close at 4!

Today I thought I was going to be able to sleep in, but turns out DH made our appointment to get new ID cards at 8:30! So we got up and got that taken care of. I took Goblin to school because it was on my way to WalMart (I had to return the other 2 dresses I didn't choose for the Khaki Ball) and DH took the younger two to school because it was actually on his way back to work. I came home and threw something in the crock pot for dinner tonight because I didn't want to run into the same problem we did last night!

Tomorrow, ahhhh... I get to sleep in! Then Friday its back to NMCRS for my regular shift. Saturday I think will probably be a lazy day too. DH is going golfing on Sunday because both his team and the team of the guy who he invades every week have a bye. Priorities, huh?

Thanks for reading my ramble... Sorry to be so random... I'm just tired!

My first Tropical Storm Warning/Hurricane Watch!

Well this entire week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me! First of all, we survived Tropical Storm Hanna just fine. We ended up just getting lots of rain and some wind. To be honest we were lucky enough to not get hardly anything at all and to me it felt like some of the bigger thunder storms we've gotten since we got here. (can you believe we've been here almost a year already! WOW!)

Anyway, started out the week with a post on MSSN (Military Spouse Support Network, a link is over there in my favorite links for my fellow Military Spouses who might be reading this) asking what I thought about Hanna. Umm... I didn't even REALIZE there was a possibility that we were going to have it come through here at this point. So I googled her. Let's just say, PANIC was my first thought. Needless to say, not being from here I had no idea what to expect.

Poor DH didn't get to bed till after the crickets started to chirp again. I lasted until about midnight or so. At that point we had the thunder and lightening along with the wind and rain.

Thankfully, according to the National Hurricane Center's website Ike is headed towards Cuba and should loose some steam there and Josephine has been downgraded to a Tropical Depression. I certainly have a new appreciation for Mother Nature and her fury though!

I guess one good thing that has come out of all this is the fact that in clearing one of our storage sheds out (we have two closets attached to the house with doors to the outside) to be able to put the grill in there and out of the weather we found my tubs of fabric! YAY! I thought they had been taken to the storage unit we are renting off base but nope! It was here all along! So here's hoping I can get those couple quilts I had started before we left WA going again!